It’s been some time since I have sat down and written on here. I have been racking my brain on how to “revamp” my blog and start talking about “Life after Life.” But, where do you start? What do you actually start talking about? How do you start telling your story while trying to figure out who you are all over again in the process?

Let me start with this… I chose to take the leap of faith and give life (as we call it) another chance. I decided to live a “life after life” … it wasn’t easy and to say in the least, it sucked. I was at my wits end trying to figure out who I was and where I belonged. See, when you become a war widow, those who are not war widows do not understand you, hell I don’t understand them… then all of a sudden you begin transforming and begin taking baby steps one foot in front of another… timid, new born Bambi steps of uncertainty and a whole lot of fear. It’s funny, because once you start taking those tiny baby steps of faith you begin to get braver, stronger… fearless. Nothing is going to stop you, you are going to allow the fearless warrior inside you appear and take apart of you and who you’re trying to become. It’s weird because one minute you have your whole life planned ahead of you, you have holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and whatever else you can think of  planned and then BAM everything is taken right out from underneath you and all of your thoughts turn into the “should’ve beens” and the “what ifs.”

Then there is that moment years (or whatever timeline is perfect for you) later where you decide, “Today is the day I am going to actually get dressed, and start my life the way I want to live it.” March 20th, 2012, that was the day I decided to “take the leap of faith,” I finally let some of the bitterness and anger go and I turned my heart to God and said, “welp, Lord here ya go. I am on my knees and for some reason all of this must be happening to me for a reason… my heart and path is yours… lets do this.” So, I started riding again, a promise I made to my late husband before he deployed to Afghanistan… I started going to a barn and working with horses and mending my heart day by day… then 1 year later, I began showing my very own horse, Sergeant. As the time went on, I began to understand the true meaning of life and I began understanding who Brittany really was. I wasn’t just a widow, struck blind and just living day by day… I was a human being with a beating heart and soul that craved to live again. Lots of tears went into that horses mane, the way that horse touched my heart and soul is something I will thank the big man upstairs everyday for.

I thought I was beginning to figure out who I was and somewhat understanding where I fit in. Then, this amazing man (another soldier) decided to message me. We had been friends for sometime and kept in touch, but nothing “romantic.” We began talking while he was deployed in Afghanistan (I know what you’re thinking, “What in the hell is this woman thinking?”) I really didn’t think much of it at first, in fact I think I tried really hard to make sure my heart would stay protected,  I mean, who in the world is going to want a widow who didn’t know who she was? Right? — These talks started becoming daily and then they started leading into late night talks on Skype before I would go to bed. I already knew my heart had fallen so hard for this man, but was I to do? Could the good Lord actually allow this to happen again?  How do I fight the feelings of guilt because I was beginning to understand what happiness was again.

Then Memorial Day weekend 2013 I drove to Tennessee after my first Blue Ribbon ride on Sergeant. He had just come home from Afghanistan and I had to know were these feelings true? Could my heart actually be beating again? Was there life left in me? Was there apart of me that was going to be able to love again? … I arrived around 3:00am and I stood outside his hotel room scared half to death. What if I did all this and allowed the feelings to happen and he laughs at me? … well, the door opened and right then and there I knew I was meant to be there and this man was something incredible. May 28th, 2013 I decide to take the second “Leap of Faith” and allowed my heart to let someone else in and begin a relationship.

As time went by, our relationship blossomed. I began to really see what an amazing man Matthew was… and I won’t lie, I was still scared. Could this be to good to be true? He honors Joshua with me and allows me to do all kinds of things with the Gold Star community all while standing right beside me standing proud. This man, this barrel chested freedom fighter who has seen war and has been through so much in his life wants to give me a chance! Matthew has the most caring and understanding heart and has stolen my heart and soul and I couldn’t actually believe he walked into my life. I moved to Tennessee to start our life adventures together and then shortly after we moved to Fort Benning, GA. We have been here for almost a year and life has been simply amazing, Matthew opened a side of me that was hidden deep inside, to the point of where I almost lost who I was.

Then comes my third “Leap of Faith.” May 30th, 2014, Matthew asked me to be his wife. At the moment the world stopped and the look on his face in hopes I would say yes is forever engraved in my heart. I said yes. I said yes to new beginnings. I said yes to hope. I said yes to life again… I for once never gave up on my faith and it finally came full circle. Faith, hope & love the 3 strongest things you can have in your life and a life with someone else and I am getting my second chance at love & life.

It’s hard to be a war widow and now a future wife. You will always carry apart of your loved one with you always… flashes of memories will come without warning. There is apart of you that died that day your doorbell rang and you never fully come back to the person you were before… but, isn’t that how life is? The things you go through make you the person you are today? … I have a pride that I can’t describe for what my late husband did for our country… I will carry his legacy, heart & memories for as long as I am breathing and hopes to help other widows understand there is always a second chance at life and an opportunity to take the “Leap of Faith.”

I am beyond excited about what the future holds for Matthew and me! I have finally found the one whom my soul loves. I will start blogging about life and what it’s like being a widow and now future wife. I am heavily involved with the Gold Star Community … but, for once “widow” does not define me… I am so much more than just that. I am a human being with a beating heart (again). Cheers to new adventures, life and to taking the “Leap of Faith.”

I hope you enjoyed and are ready for the ride with me ❤

Cheers,
B

 (My amazing hero and Fiance & me at my friends wedding)