“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.”
~ Juliette Lewis

I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to show up with every thought, decision and moment in life. Their love and memories leave imprints on our hearts and souls. We find comfort in knowing that having shared moments, memories and love with them has enriched our lives.

In our own time, with our own memories we take grief head on. Others can be there and listen. But, you walk alone down your own path, at your own pace, with your pain, your raw wounds, denial, anger and bitterness. You’ll come to your “light at the end of the tunnel” when you’re ready. There is no time limit for grief and when you should or have to “move on” like so many have told me in the past.

Even though we must walk this path of grief, don’t just exist. Live.

I am sitting here reflecting on the last several years of my life. It’s funny, so many have looked at me and said, “you’re so young, you have so much to live for and look forward to.” When they have no idea what I have been through to get to this very moment in life. The quote, “don’t take life for granted” has a whole new meaning.

I have been in relationships that were just plain bad, I have been lied to, cheated on, and the list goes on. Then I met Joshua… in the midst of finding my own self this man walks into life and brings out a side of me that knocked the very breath out of my soul. He taught me to live, not just exist. Joshua was a lover of life and wanted to do everything and anything he could do while he was alive. What was the point of life if you couldn’t embrace every moment of it while seeing the world?

In the last email Joshua sent me from Afghanistan he wrote, “if I couldn’t do anything else in life, I know my life has been completed because I married the woman who showed me how to live and not exist. I never thought I could be loved, the way you love me.” I have read this 1000,000 times after he was killed and it really didn’t sink in until right now.

After losing Joshua, I lost a huge part of me. I was walking through life just existing, waiting for my time to come when I was no longer needed here on earth. Until one day, after many mistakes and regrets I chose to start living life… Stopped listening to what people told me I needed to do and started listening to what Brittany needed to do.

I needed to live. I needed to feel God’s breath on my face and in my heart. I needed to grab life and enjoy every second of it. Just existing doesn’t satisfy what the heart and soul needs. When you stop existing and start living in the midst of your grief life seems to take on a whole new meaning and great things start happening.

In those moments of living you can hear your guardian angel telling you it’s ok, they’re proud of you or you just feel their presence right next to you as chose to move forward. Living doesn’t mean you have forgotten and doesn’t mean you move on, you don’t move on in life from grief, you move forward. You move forward with memories, love and the guidance of your loved one. You move forward with a new appreciation of life.

When you start to live and not exist you appreciate new love, life and moments. You take in every single moment and realize that tomorrow you could not wake up.

Everyday, LIVE don’t just exist. Wake up every morning thanking the big man upstairs for giving you another opportunity at life, memories and to make a difference. Never give up on life and don’t let grief run you. This is your life and your story; you have every opportunity now to decide how your story is going to go. The bravest thing you can do is continue living, when all you want to do is die.

Carpe the Hell Out of Diem You Beautiful Souls.